Julie and Bradley

Quote of the day: 4-year-old Bradley and I cuddled up today to read our daily pre-nap story after having watched Star Wars (on video) for the 5th time this week. He wanted me to read the Christmas story, straight from the King James Bible. I prefaced the verses for Bradley by saying, "The story of Jesus's birth is told mainly in this chapter of the Bible--The Gospel According to Luke." Bradley replied, "Luke SKYWALKER wrote the Bible?"

Life instruction of the day (Heather, age 16): When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.

Thought for the day: Never trust my dog to watch your food.

Quote of the day: I was in the New York Times lobby at 7:15 Monday night when I overheard a man talking to a security guard:

MAN: I would like a copy of tomorrow's paper, please.

GUARD: Tomorrow's paper hasn't been printed yet.

MAN: That's ok. I'll take a proof.

GUARD: We don't give away proofs.

MAN: I'll pay you for a proof copy.

GUARD: Sir, half the paper's not even written yet, and even if it was...

MAN: But that's ok. I just want to see the ads.

Quote of the day: 4-year-old Bradley has renamed our dog. The male dog previously know as "Jesse" is now going by the name "Sugar Lips," and sometimes "Genevieve." (Imagine walking down the street with a 70-lb. yellow dog and a little kid yelling, "Come on, Sugar Lips! Good dog!")

Thought for the day: In response to the many email question about Sugar Lips (the male dog formerly known as Jesse), 4-year-old Bradley explains that Snoopy called himself "Sugar Lips" in the 1985 animated movie "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" (based on the Broadway play). No doubt Snoopy did this after kissing Lucy. ("I've been kissed by a DOG! Aaaauuuugggghhhh!") "Sugar Lips" took a temporary reprieve after Bradley saw "Madeline" (the movie), in which the brave and resourceful dog, Genevieve, bears a remarkable resemblance to the (not-so-brave) dog formerly known as Jesse.

--Source: Bradley's History of Shaver Family Dog Names (unpublished)

Quote of the day: I was driving through the Lincoln Tunnel when I got a call on my cell phone. After a few seconds, the caller remarked: "You sound like you're in a tunnel."

Quote of the day: Bradley has been learning about the Easter holiday in church and I wanted to know if he remembered what Lent was, so I asked, "Bradley, what's the 40 days before Easter called?" His reply: "Dust."

Story of the day (from Reuters): ANKARA -- A Turkish truck driver trying to melt frozen diesel fuel in his fuel tank Thursday lit a fire underneath it -- with predictable results...

Local newspaper ad of the day (transcribed verbatim -- it's for a weight loss center):

Grand Opening

"Let's Wrap"

Lose 6 to 20 inches in one hour (Guaranteed)

Reduction is permanent as long as you don't gain weight!

Quote of the day (a conversation with Bradley):

ME: Bradley, could I come to preschool with you tomorrow?

BRADLEY: When I get to college, you can come to school with me.

ME: But I want to come see your class tomorrow, ok?

BRADLEY: Tomorrow, I'll be in preschool. You can come with me the NEXT day.

The NEXT day, I'll be in college.

(They told me it would go by fast...)

Reminiscent quote of the day (Bradley was 16 months old then, and just learning to talk): "Koo koo? . . . Peas?" Which meant: "Cookie, please?" Quote of the day TODAY (now that Bradley is 4): "Can I have this many cookies, mommy? (holding up ten fingers) Please mommy, queen of all mommies? ...You look so pretty today, mommy; can I PLEASE have this many cookies?"

Quote of the day: At preschool, Bradley planted grass seed in a plastic cup filled with dirt. He stuck two popsicle sticks in the dirt and glued a construction paper watering can to one and a little yellow sun to the other. When he brought the cup home, we gave the seed some water and set the cup in the windowsill. A week later, Bradley noticed that the cup on the windowsill was now filled with green grass, over an inch tall! "Wow!" he said, "I didn't know a paper sun could make grass grow!"

Thought for the day: Inside some of us is a healthy person struggling to get out, but she can usually be sedated with a nice juicy hamburger.

Thought for the day: Bradley loves to pretend he's a soldier, or a policeman, or a fireman, or an astronaut, or any other of many occupations that involve macho uniforms. He says he's going to put out fires on the moon, and protect the people who live there. (And keep aliens at bay.) I think there may be a problem with his dream, though. He can't STAND sand in his shoes. We're talking total emotional breakdown.

Thought for the day: To a parent of a child who has discovered the power of speech, a quiet moment can be rare and glorious. Unfortunately, quiet does not necessarily mean there's nothing to worry about.

Quote of the day (Bradley, upon returning home from 2 hours at preschool): "Mommy, I need to rest a while. My brains are tired."

Quote of the day: Bradley and I were discussing the fact that one day he will be a grownup. "You'll live in your own house," I said. "And you'll have a job, and bills to pay and ..." He interrupted: "No WAY! I'm gonna stay this many (holding up four fingers) forever!"

Quote of the day: About Bradley's quote from yesterday (I'm gonna stay 4 forever!), Pat Lyons writes: "He's right, four is an excellent age. As my grandmother used to say,' you want to tie a brick on his head.'"

Thought for the day: You know you're incredibly lazy when the only important document the fire safe box under your bed contains is the instructions for how to use the box.

Thought for the day: I dreamed I woke up screaming, but then I realized I hadn't even fallen asleep yet.

Quote of the day: During a thunderstorm today, Bradley looked up at me with pitiful sad eyes, bottom lip poking out, practically a tear rolling down his cheek. "Mommy," he said quietly, "I'm afraid of the thunder." "Aw," I said as I picked him up and gave him a warm hug. "There's nothing to be afraid of. Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?"A millisecond later [excited and smiling]: "You know those chocolates my friend Rachel gave me? I think if I had one of those, I'd feel LOTS better!"

Today's quote of the day is from the Associated Press graphics list for Friday: The name of the graphic is MARS MOUNTAINS. The description reads: "Shows typography of Mars landscape."

(Think about it.)

Quote of the day: A radio commercial advertises a mall's diverse selection of clothing stores. The female voice says: "When you look good, what are the three little words you want to hear?" She answers herself: "Where'd you get that?"

Quote of the day: Bradley and I were in a store and discovered the "Everything Just a Dollar" basement. A lady held up an item and asked me: "Do you know how much this is?"

ME: "A dollar."

LADY (minutes later, holding up a different item): "Do you know how much

THIS is?"

ME: "Well, um, a dollar."

Again, the lady held up another item and asked what the price was.

BRADLEY: "Are you stupid or something? I'm 4-years-old and even I can

figure out that everything's one dollar."

Quote of the day: Bradley and I helped out at his preschool's various "graduation" programs. Bradley worked more than NINE HOURS over two days putting up signs, greeting hundreds of parents at the door, handing out programs, pouring countless lemonades, setting out cookie trays and cleaning tables. (You've never seen a little kid work so hard. I was bursting with pride!) When the last party was over, I asked Bradley if working as a volunteer for his school made him feel good. His reply: "Will my check come in the mail like yours does, mommy?"

New-York-moment for the day: Stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, I was starving, so I was popping grapes. The man in the car next to mine rolled down his window and motioned for me to roll down mine. Reluctantly (worried about road rage and such), I did. "Hey!" he said loudly, "What are you eating?" "Grapes!" I yelled back. "I could sure use a grape right now!" he yelled. I popped one over to his car, SWOOSH! Right into his driver's window. He caught it, ate it, caught another one, smiled, said I saved his life, then drove away never to be seen again.

Thought for the day: If I were to call for both an ambulance and a pizza at the same time, the pizza would arrive first.

Trivia of the day: The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street are named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in "It's A Wonderful Life." (Contributed by my first best friend, Susan. Been friends since we were 3.)

Thought for the day: Riding the subway to Queens yesterday reminded me of the time years ago when I was "shot" on the subway. I heard the telltale "popping" noises, then felt a sting on my arm, looked down and saw a suction dart landing on the floor, along with several other "spent bullets" that had missed me. As I picked them up, I looked around the train and saw a boy about 4 years old on the other side holding up his toy gun in victory. His father yelled, "Good shot, son!" Lacking a sense of humor about kids and guns, I glared at the father in protest, but said nothing. As we were all getting off the train, the father motioned for me to give back his son's darts. I didn't.

Quote of the day: My husband, Mike, serves in the Air Force Reserves with people responsible for extremely dangerous military equipment and weapons. Above the up-right toaster in their snack bar is this hand-made sign: "PLEASE DO NOT BUTTER TOAST OR BAGELS BEFORE PUTTING THEM INTO THE TOASTER."

Thought for the day: You know you're lost between Baby Boomer and Generation X if you actually remember the words to the theme song of "The Greatest American Hero." Let me get it stuck in your head: "Believe it or not, I'm walkin' on air... I never thought I could feel so free-ee-ee..."

Thought for the day: I put "eat chocolate" at the top of my list of things to do today. I got one thing done.

Quote of the day: My friend Debora's 3-year-old daughter Rachel mused: "Mommy, when I grow up I am going to be a mommy and a bug killer. But I'll need a sword first." (Rachel didn't say which job had the sword requirement.)

Quote of the day: Bradley and I were perusing my high school yearbook when he came across my 11th-grade picture. "Mommy," he laughed, "You look like Chicken Little!"

Quote of the day: During a backyard over-the-fence conversation with my neighbor's visiting mother-in-law, she asked about my dog's condition since his run-in with a truck. "You better keep your dog out of the road," she said curtly. "Somebody could have actually gotten hurt." Yeah, duh, like maybe... MY DOG.

Thought for the day: You know you're lost between Baby Boomer and Generation X if Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you learned grammar, math and history (A big hint: if the only way you can recite the Preamble to the Constitution is by singing it, then you're definitely lost.)

Thought for the day: The cover of my new Land's End catalog features "The Great White Shirt." Upon further investigation one will learn that "the great white shirt" is also available in English lavender and dark mushroom.

Thought for the day: A good portion of one of my mettings at work tonight was conducted in pig latin.

Thought for the day: If I've told 4-year-old Bradley once, I've told him a hundred times: if you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

Thoughts and incredible quotes for the day: (This is a true story.) Traffic completely stopped inside the Lincoln Tunnel today on my way to work. For 40 minutes my car did not move as I studied the big blue line painted on the walls beside me indicating the border between New Jersey and New York. For 40 minutes my head was in New Jersey and my feet were in New York. I was in...The Twilight Zone... For 40 minutes I contemplated: Is there a Ryder truck about to explode up ahead? Is there enough air in here? Man, I wish that bus would cut his engine. It STINKS! I call work to say I'll be late. I am startled by someone rapping on my window. The driver behind is begging to borrow my cell phone. "I'm stuck in the Lincoln Tunnel," she says in the phone. (pause) "No, I don't see any big yellow trucks." (pause) "Yes, I'm sure there's plenty of air. But, honey, it STINKS!"

Quote of the day: Bradley is overly concerned about bad weather. One day it was quite windy, and he was sure our house would blow away. So I assured him that if a tornado was coming, an emergency signal would alert us -- the TV or radio would make a beeping noise -- and we would go to a safe place in the house. Bradley was watching Nickelodeon today when the Emergency Broadcast System malfunctioned and the TV started to beep. Panic ensued and Bradley yelled, "Mommy! Hurry! We have to get to a safe place! A TOMATO IS COMING!"

Quote of the day: Bradley was trying to tell me something really important (something about a toy truck he wants me to buy) but I was engrossed in a magazine article and wasn't listening. "Mommy..." (louder) "Mommy..." (really loud) "MOMMY! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? DID YOUR BRAIN FALL OUT OR SOMETHING?"

Thought for the day: There's no question about it. I'm lost between Baby Boomer and Generation X. There's a picture of me dressed like Cyndi Lauper and holding up a "Reagan stinks" sign in my college yearbook. (You're lost too if you ever dressed like Madonna or someone in a Duran Duran video.)

Quote of the day: Bradley starts his new preschool class on Monday. To dispel some of the separation anxiety most kids feel, a parent is required to stay in the classroom the first day. When I told Bradley I'll be staying, he said, "No mommy, I don't want you to stay. I'll be fine. I want you to go home." (pleading) "PLEASE don't stay, mommy. PLEASE go home."

Quote of the day: Bradley thinks of 3-year-old Rachel as a little sister. But Rachel has other designs on him. (She says she's going to marry Bradley.) In a pretend ceremony, Rachel was marrying Bradley and said to her mother, "You have to kiss and hug to be married." Rachel's mom asked if there will be kissing and hugging after the ceremony. "Oh no!" she said.

Quote of the day: I sent my really dirty car through a car wash and when it rolled out, there was a HUGE swath of mud on the back. I went to the manager, showed him the swath and said, "Look at all the mud on my car." His reply: "Ma'am, that mud was on your car before you got here."

Thought for the day: After being flung about and whisked through the air alongside the New Jersey Turnpike, a plastic grocery bag adhered itself to my car 20 miles outside of New York City. Despite bumper-to-bumper traffic, and plenty of stops, the bag never left my grille. Never left, that is, until I reached Times Square, at which point it suddenly flew up in front of the windshield, lingered in the air for a moment as if to say "thanks for the lift," then shot off down Broadway.

Catch of the day: A brochure for a seminar on "How to Be a Better Proofreader" lists a rule of "critical" typography: "Write out numbers under 10." In the brochure's section titled "What You Can Expect to Learn," numbers below 10 are expressed as numerals seven times.

Quote of the day (Bradley): "Mommy, when you die I'm going to have a party at the bagel shop."

Quote of the day (Bradley): "Mommy, are you one of the Spice Girls?"

Thought for the day: Bradley got new hiking boots today. Did you ever run up and down the hall to see how fast you could run in your new shoes? Did you jump up and down to see if you could jump higher? Did you check yourself out in the full-length mirror? Did you sit on the floor and check out the new soles? Did you sit in a chair, feet on the floor, to see how they look "hugging" the floor? Did you momentarily avoid going outside so they wouldn't ever get dirty? Did you check yourself out again in the full-length mirror, this time looking at the backs, too? Were you sad when the first bit of dirt showed up? Did you make tracks in the sand, looking backward as you walked? Did you run into a wall because you were looking backward as you walked forward? Did you ask everyone who would listen, even strangers, to notice your new shoes? If so, then YOU were definitely a kid like Bradley once.

Thought for the day: The scene: Bumper-to-bumper rush hour traffic in an area that doesn't usually experience traffic congestion. The reason for the delay is construction in the middle of a busy intersection; a traffic cop directs traffic. When I finally reach the intersection, I realize that what's making me late getting Bradley to school is a police vehicle blocking cars from getting by. As I approach, the driver-officer hands the traffic-officer a cup of coffee and a box of doughnuts. They completely stop traffic, chatting and eating doughnuts for a total of 4 minutes and 23 seconds.

Quote of the day: Bradley turned 5 years old on Sunday so today I showed him a picture of me when I was 5.

BRADLEY: "How old are you now, mommy?"

ME: "35."

BRADLEY (whipping his head around as if in total shock that someone could

ever live to be THAT old): "WHOA!"

Quote of the day: Bradley is learning about the Ten Commandments at church (and at home). The one about "thou shalt not lie" is a big one in our house since he is always telling me he already brushed his teeth when, in fact, he didn't. Bradley and I were carefully writing out thankyou cards for the birthday presents he got, except that he kept bumping into my writing hand.

ME (quite loudly): "Stop bumping into me!"

BRADLEY: "Mommy, you need to obey the commandments. You know... the one

about "THOU SHALT NOT YELL!"

Quote of the day: Bradley and I were discussing the future:

BRADLEY: "When I grow up, I am going to live here with you in this old house."

ME: "You'll change your mind about that. You'll want your own house."

BRADLEY: "No I won't."

ME: "You'll change your mind about all sorts of things. Maybe you'll change your mind and STOP liking chocolate. Maybe you'll change your mind and START liking broccoli. Maybe you'll change your mind and want to live in California, or South Carolina, or a house down the street, or maybe..."

BRADLEY (interrupting): "Mommy, I just want you to know, I will NEVER stop liking chocolate."

Quote of the day: A 4-year-old boy approached me today as I dropped Bradley off at preschool: "You've got to start bringing me a New York Times every day. My dad gets the Star-Ledger and I hate that."

Quote of the day: Bradley was putting on his gloves when our dog, Jesse, snuggled up to him. Sniffing around like he always does, Jesse lightly touched Bradley's glove with his moist muzzle.

BRADLEY: "Oh MAN, Jesse got nose crap on my glove!"

ME: "Bradley, please don't say 'crap.'"

BRADLEY: "Why not? Crap is crap. Nose is nose. And nose crap is nose crap."

(Well, gee, you can't argue with THAT.)

Thought for the day: If I time the traffic lights just right, and it's 3 in the morning, I can drive from 43rd Street in Manhattan to my home, 32 miles away, without stopping for a single light. Now if we can just get rid of the toll booths...

Thought for the day: My dog will eat off the floor. He will lick the bottoms of his paws (not to mention other body parts). He will roll around in the excrement of other animals. But if there's the tiniest bit of dirt in his water dish he will not drink from it.

Quote of the day (especially for Thanksgiving): On top of a bulletin board outside Bradley's preschool classroom was a banner that read: "What We're Thankful For." A teacher wrote the children's thoughts on paper plates and posted them under the banner. A little girl's plate said: "Pretty Barbies." A boy's said: "Pokémon cards." Another boy's said: "Turkey and all other foods." Bradley's said: "My mom."

Quote of the day: 5-year-old Bradley has a cold and wanted to give me my usual kiss and hug before I left for work. "Don't kiss me, " I said, "I don't want to get your cold." His reply: "I want to kiss you. We can be sick together! It'll be fun!"

Quote of the day: On the side of a toy grocery cart's box was a picture of a child pushing the cart. The cart was on sale for $9.99. But buyer beware: the small print on the side of the box said: "Child not included."

Quote of the day: Sometimes when I pick Bradley up from preschool in the morning, we hang around the playground for a while. Children gather and play. Parents gather and chat. Most of the parents are moms, but there are one or two dads. I was talking to one of the moms, and we were complaining: "hadn't gotten anything done, hadn't even eaten breakfast yet." One of the dads overheard and chimed in: "You've got to be kidding me. I've already made the beds, cooked breakfast, finished two loads of laundry, vacuumed, got lunch ready, called my wife at work and bought Christmas presents for my kids on the Internet. Get with it, girlfriends!"

Quote of the day: At the Christmas parade on Main Street Sunday afternoon,Bradley was cold and tired. "Let's go home," he said. "We can come back and watch the rest of the parade tomorrow."

Christmas thought for the day: You do know what would have happened if it had been three wise WOMEN instead of three wise men, don't you? They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought practical gifts. (From a Christmas card I recieved today.)

Quote of the day: My husband, Mike, was helping Bradley get ready for bed. Bradley had just removed his socks when Mike noticed that Bradley was examining one carefully. He looked down inside the sock. He held it up by the toe and shook it out, then looked down inside again. Mike asked him what he was doing. "I'm checking to make sure my toes weren't in there," he said. "Mommy said if I tied my shoes too tight my toes would fall off."