julie2000

Quote of the day: 5-year-old Bradley says he remembers what it was like in the womb. "It was warm and cozy in your tummy, mommy. And I used to kick my feet out to make more room."

"Yeah," I said. "I remember that kicking thing."

Bradley continued, "It smelled like ice-cream. And every time you ate something I would wiggle because it made me happy."

"Yeah, I remember that wiggling thing too," I said.

He went on, "I could hear you talking and I LOVED it whenever you ate M&Ms and I could see your bones and guts and stuff."

"Oh, really?" I said.

"But that time you ate clam chowder was just bleah. Ick."

"Ok, now I KNOW you're making THAT up," I said. "I never ate clam chowder in my life."

Quote of the day: After visiting our office, Bradley said he can't wait to grow up. "I want to have my own computer on my desk at work," he said, "so I can have toys on top of the monitor like everybody at your office does."

Quote of the day: Two editors were having a discussion in the turnaround meeting about books they had read by E. L. Doctorow. The business editor said he had read Billy Bathgate. The foreign editor said she had read Ragtime. "We're sitting here," he said, "like a Venn diagram: sitting here, but not overlapping." She pondered: Isn't it astonishing that someone could actually use "Venn diagram" in a sentence?

Quote of the day: Bradley announced that he had made up his very own action figure theme song the other day. It goes like this (enthusiastically sung to a unique, fast tune with basic action figure poses alternated throughout): "I'm braver than everybody. I can do whatever I wa-ant. My name is Bradley and I'm gonna be an astronau-aut."

January 18, 2000

Quote of the day: Bradley was a bit angry with me when he announced: "Mommy, you don't know anything about life."

January 19, 2000

Quote of the day: A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, he would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait'." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."

January 21, 2000

Quote of the day: Bradley announced that he was "the greatest baseball player that ever lived." I guess so, considering the number of games he says he won: "Fifty two thousand seven hundred million gazillion three hundred and twenty." (I couldn't figure out how to write that out in numerals.)

Thought for the day: One Saturday afternoon, my husband, Mike, relayed the following story about what happened that morning when he and Bradley went out for breakfast. Seems Bradley had a large glob of pancake stuck on the roof of his mouth (don't you hate when that happens) but try as he might, he couldn't loosen it with his tongue. He was getting very frustrated, so Mike suggested, "Take a drink and swish it around in your mouth like you do after you brush your teeth." Bradley followed instructions exactly. Forgetting that he was in a restaurant, and getting completely engrossed in the toothbrushing scenario, he swished some milk around in his mouth... and then spit it out all over his plate. (Mike said Bradley had one of those I-wasn't-supposed-to-do-that,-was-I? looks on his face.)

Quote of the day: Bradley was playing with his toy phone. He began, "Ring... ring!" Picking up the receiver, he said, "Hello... not interested." Then he immediately hung up the phone. "Who was that?" I said. "An insurance guy," he replied, "trying to sell me free windows.

Thought for the day: In honor of President's Day, I asked Bradley what he would do if he were president. "If I were president," he said slowly, "I would rule the universe... and I would have a big army... and I would send them out on a great adventure...to find hidden treasure... so that all the people in my universe would be rich."

Quote of the day: One recent Sunday, our pastor asked the congregation if anyone needed to be added to the prayer list. (We pray for families who have lost loved ones, people undergoing surgery or who are very sick, people who have suffered tragedies like house fires and such.) A young boy in the choir raised his hand. The pastor said, "Yes, Wally, what is it?" Wally replied that he wanted the church to pray for his dad. Now you have to understand that Wally's dad is quite popular in our church and there was an audible gasp among the congregation. The pastor asked Wally what the trouble was. "Today's my dad's birthday," he said, "He's turning 40."

Quote of the day (courtesy of Bradley's dad): Bradley was having itches on his legs one night last week after his bath, and his theory about itches was as follows: "I think itches come from itch worms. Remember the little green itch worm you and Mommy showed me on our walk?" (It was an INCH worm that we showed him on a walk LAST SUMMER -- it's amazing that he even remembered that). Bradley continued, "I think that baby itch worms are about the size of germs, and they have little teeny feet, and when they walk on you it tickles your skin and makes you itch."

Quote of the day: Bradley, upon finding out that he's going to be a big brother: "The baby's not going to sleep in my bed, is he? Because I don't want baby drool all over my pillow." (This came a few minutes after the initial reaction of uncontrolled smiling and dancing around the room singing, "Mommy's gettin' a baby. Mommy's gettin' a baby.")

Quote of the day: A certain unnamed editor at a certain unnamed really big newspaper: "I don't believe anything I read anywhere."

Quote of the day: Reading bulletin board postings about cars with various "noise" problems, a guy wrote: "You guys shouldn't reveal all of our secrets here (duct tape the most guarded) because if our wives learn how to fix things, there will be NO reason to keep us in the house."

Quote of the day: My friend has a new iron with the following warning label: "Never iron clothes while they are being worn."

Thought for the day: People think it's called "morning sickness" because you feel lousy in the morning. Wrong. It's called that because you START feeling lousy in the morning.

March 29, 2000

Quote of the day: My colleague, Mark, related one of those "only in New York" stories: Mark was walking down the sidewalk (along with plenty of other people) in the same direction as two thugs walking up ahead. Coming up the street in the opposite direction were two "older" women. As the thugs passed the ladies, one of the bad guys nonchalantly reached over and tried to grab the gold necklace from the neck of one of the women. Mark said that despite the fact that the woman spun around to fight off the attack, the thug never broke his stride and said to his cohort: "If she doesn't want it ripped off, she shouldn't wear it."

Quote of the day: When Bradley asked if the Easter Bunny was coming to our house this year, I whispered (just in case there were little kids around), "There's no such thing as the Easter Bunny." "Then who brings the Easter eggs?" he asked. "Mom and Dad bring the eggs," I whispered. "WOW!" he shouted, "I gotta get your autograph!"

Quote of the day (Bradley, upon returning from preschool): "Mom, we had music time in school today and GUESS WHAT! They didn't have CDs, they had these big black round things called records and they played them on this motor thing called a record player! You should have seen it! It was SO COOL!

Thought for the day: If you're thinking of having children, go to your local supermarket. Take a goat with you. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy a week's worth of groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or destroy. If you can stand to do this once a week for five years, you might be ready to have children.

Quote of the day: Bradley fell and scrapped his knee. As we were walking upstairs to clean the wound and get a bandaid, he saw a bit ofblood running down his leg and said sadly, "Mommy, am I gonna die?"

Thought for the day: I was waiting at a traffic light in Jersey City when a presumably homeless man (dressed in ragged clothes and carrying the telltale collection cup) approached my car for a donation. I decided against giving him a dollar when his cell phone rang.

Quote of the day: Bradley was playing with a toy police car--complete with siren and lights. He told me he just finished pulling somebody over so I asked where he was going now. "Dunkin Donuts," he said. "We police officers get hungry."

Thought for the day: We were two strangers sharing an elevator. He asked, "Are you expecting?" You should have seen the look on his face when I said, "Expecting what?" He shuffled uncomfortably, staring at my rotund midsection. Finally, the elevator announced arrival at its destination. "Saved by the bell," he said, dashing away.

Thought for the day: At about the time Jaws first came out, I stepped on a live fish in the ocean. It wiggled under my foot and I screamed for about 10 solid seconds. The rest of the day my friends and I had the beach all to ourselves.

Quote of the day: The phone rang and 5-year-old Bradley and I picked up extensions at the same time. I let him handle the telemarketer this time. Here's the conversation:

T: Well, what time does he... (mumbling) Oh, never mind.
(Telemarketer hangs up.)

Quote of the day: As you might have guessed, it's a tricky thing to ask a woman you barely know if she's pregnant. (You'll be mighty embarrassed if she's not.) A colleague (who had been studying my midsection for a couple of weeks) finally asked, quite diplomatically I might add: "How many children do you have?"

Quote of the day (a colleague, remarked on my increased circumference): "I see you've gained some weight." To which I replied, "I would say that you have, too, but that would be rude, wouldn't it?"

Quote of the day: Bradley was just making conversation when he asked, "So Mom, what was in the news last night?" I gave him a quick summary of the headlines, to which he replied: "There's no way I'm ever going to be a reporter when I grow up, Mom. All they ever do is report bad news. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to be a tow truck driver."

Quote of the day: Ok, so I guess Bradley doesn't want to be a tow truck driver after all. His dad sent me this today: Bradley was talking about being an explorer, and he said "Dad, if you see an explorer out on his ship, do you know how you can tell who it is?" I said, "How?" He said, "If you see someone with my face on, it's me!"

Quote of the day: Bradley and I had been working on a Lite Brite spaceship for about 20 minutes. "I'm just having so much fun doing this project with you," he said. "We should do mother-son projects every day! Today a spaceship, tomorrow an airplane, then WHO KNOWS?!" Less than a minute later: "Mom, I'm tired of this. I'm going to go play by myself for a while. See ya later."

Quote of the day: Bradley saw a little bit of the first Superman movie and asked, "Mommy, why does Superman wear his underwear on top of his suit?"

Quote of the day: Today was Bradley's last day of preschool. To celebrate his graduation he bought a new toy; only he lost two of the littlest parts (tiny little action-figure men) when they fell out of a hole in the shopping bag. He cried the same kind of cry that I did when my new car got crunched the other day. I just held him and said, "I know how you feel, really I do." I related this story to my friend, Hugh, who wondered, "Were the little men covered by his insurance?"

Thought for the day: I have one of those "blind spot" mirrors on my monitor at work so I can see if someone's sneaking up behind me. (A valuable thing to have when you work odd hours!) I was standing near my desk when I saw someone's body in the little mirror, and I was momentarily startled. I thought to myself, "Who IS that strange person with the soccer-ball tummy?" And then I realized it was me.

Thought for the day: Nearing the Lincoln Tunnel, there is an outdoor board with huge lighted letters that are supposed to spell "PANASONIC." Last night some of the lights were out, and it spelled out what many people do when they get close to the Lincoln Tunnel (especially at rush hour): "PANIC."

Thought for the day: The more pregnant I look, the more often strangers smile at me. I think it's because they know I'm fatter than they are.

Quote of the day: I'm teaching Bradley how to swim this summer. He's been quite reluctant to put his head under the water so far, so today, I playfully showed him how much fun it is. "Hey," I'd say, "Watch me!" I'd duck under the water and when I came up, he'd be screaming with delight. Finally, he announced, "I've GOT to try that!" He put his face under, came right back up and yelled something he's never even SAID before: "This SUCKS!" (It's awful, I know, but I couldn't help laughing.)

Quote of the day: 5-year-old Bradley and I were sweltering while we were filling our car with gas when I remembered that I had some ice cold water in my thermos. When I handed Bradley the bottle, he first tested the water with a small sip. "Whoa!" he said as he lifted the bottle for some serious chugging, "Come... to... Pa Pa!"

Quote of the day: I had an appointment with the lab today for a blood test. Bradley and I were getting dressed to go when he said, "You'll have to get a babysitter, mommy. I can't go with you." "Why not?" I asked "I'm looking at the clothes in my closet," he replied, "And I have nothing to wear."

Quote of the day: My friend Kathleen witnessed this exchange between a mother and son on the subway today. The boy (around 7- or 8-years-old) was drinking orange soda from a can. The mother instructed: "Now when you're finished, DON'T smash the can on your head."

Quote of the day: I had just put my water bottle back into the refrigerator after it had been sitting in my hot car all day when 5-year-old Bradley decided to take a drink. "BLEAH," he said as he was spitting the water out all over the floor, "This stuff is as hot as the sun on a rhinoceros in Africa."

Quote of the day: Bradley noticed a picture of a baby in a magazine and said, "I bet our baby will look like that." "He'll probably look like you," I replied. "Oh yeah?" he said, "Don't count on it."

Quote of the day: I was in a store near a 4-year-old girl who was talking nonstop. Her mother was obviously trying to concentrate on her groceries and said: "Ella, hush just for a minute... you are getting on my last nerve!" The little girl turned to me and said, "I sure wish my Mom would get more nerves because I'm tired of being on her last one."

Quote of the day: A metro editor was discussing the need to edit a story we were running about a woman who had died: "We've interviewed her. She denies that she's dead."

Quote of the day: Bradley has been warned about calling people names like stupid and dummy. But it's rather hard to correct him when he tries so hard not to offend, as in his latest invention: "You... you... PERSON."

Quote of the day: My friend took her 4-year-old daughter, Lynn, to a wedding last week. The mother said that she managed to keep Lynn reasonably quiet until the moment in the program listed as "Silent prayer and moment for reflection." It was then that Lynn sat bolt upright and said quite loudly, "Mommy! I forgot to change my underwear this morning!"

Quote of the day: I was depressed about my large tummy (and just generally obsessing about missing my old body) when Bradley noticed me looking at my profile in the mirror. "Oh Bradley," I said, "I look so awful." How would he would know to say what every woman longs to hear at least once in her lifetime? "Woman," he replied, "You look just like a Barbie."

Quote of the day: As tense Middle East peace talks headed toward a late-night showdown, reporters and editors were anxious to figure out how late we were going to have to stick around waiting for potential breaking news. The following phrase was uttered a time or two throughout the newsroom: "Peace, YES! ...but not on my shift."

Quote of the day: Bradley and I were watching a live baseball game on TV. Handing me the remote control, Bradley said, "Mom, I have to go to the bathroom. Can you make time stop so I won't miss anything?"

Quote of the day: One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, hon," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

Quote of the day: I think we'll have our hands full when Bradley is old enough to start dating. I have to admit, though, he sure has a way with words. "Oh mom," he said yesterday, "You look so beautiful. You look as beautiful as the whale song is beautiful."

Quote of the day: The Associated Press reports that a woman gave birth to a baby in a courthouse recently. She promptly named the baby girl "Felony." (Now, I wonder: is this child doomed, or what?)

Thought for the day: I rested my reading glasses on my pregnant belly for a moment last night. Seconds later, the baby kicked the glasses off my tummy and on to the floor! Future kickboxer, this kid!

Thought for the day: I honestly don't mind when somebody I KNOW asks to touch my pregnant belly, but it does bother me a bit when a stranger reaches out for it. I scared the heck out of one such stranger today. When she reached for my belly, I growled and then barked at her. (HA! Bet she'll never do THAT again.)

Quote of the day: Our church has asked us if baby Gregory could play the part of baby Jesus in the Christmas Eve worship service. When I told 5-year-old (he'll be 6 next week) Bradley that his little brother was going to be Jesus in the service, he said, "Oooh! Can I be Mary?"

Quote of the day: I took baby Gregory with me to a doctor's appointment today, and while I was seeing the doctor, a nurse took care of the baby in another room. 6-year-old Bradley was worried that the nurse would steal his brother, so I asked God to protect Gregory. Then I asked Bradley: "Do you think He heard my prayer?" Bradley: "I don't think God's voice mail works that fast."

Nov. 14, 2000

Quote of the day: Bradley was asked "What would you do if you were president?" His answer: "Give people orders, like STOP FIGHTING OVER WHO'S GOING TO BE PRESIDENT because I'M president."

Nov. 21, 2000

Quote of the day: My friend's 6-year-old sent Santa a letter detailing the toys she'd like for Christmas. When she went to the mall to sit on his lap, she was a bit surprised when he asked the usual question: "And what would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" Her stunned reply: "You FORGOT already?"